Emily (foresthouse) wrote,

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Once there was a doughnut...

In a perfectly innocent situation, sometimes the smallest detail will influence the outcome of an entire evening. Such a detail suddenly appeared on the horizon this evening, although if I had to classify it, I would have to label it merely, "Stacy's Allergy". And yet, if you, like many other people I know, have watched Mulan, you would realize that "One grain of rice (or one sneeze) can tip the balance" ... or whatever.
At any rate, to make a long story longer, as we were endeavoring to feed ourselves in the time-honored way (by finding restaurant food), Stacy happened to sneeze. She happened to sneeze just as she was turning past a cement curb. She happened to sneeze and turn the wheel and, well, frankly she went right over that baby. Naturally, as Nissan Sentras were not built to jump curbs, it blew a tire.
This was only the beginning of our adventure. Lucky for us, Stacy had a doughnut tire (read: itty bitty toy tire for replacing flats) in her trunk, so we began to change the tire. We soon discovered we had many enemies.
Enemy 1: That DAMN hubcap.
It just wouldn't come off. I swear we tried everything. Finally, after much effort and frustration, I was able to wrench the darn thing off the wheel with a crowbar, which brought us to
Enemy 2: The 4 Mafia lugnuts.
I swear these things banded together. Like the wheel said, "if one of you gives in, I'm gonna make sure the rest of you are Buried in that curb!" or something. They were impossible. While we were dealing with them, we discovered
Enemy 3: Two blond college girls who were blocked in.
I could see that they would be able to get out if they were careful, so I began to guide them out of their space, to make sure they didn't hit Stacy's car. However, these two had apparently gone to Yashir's Sidewalk School of Driving, NYC, where no one knows how to drive anyway. No matter how much I told them, "you have to pull up to the right, then swing back to the left" with appropriate arm gestures, they couldn't seem to get it. Eventually, I did get them out, which was good, because we also encountered
Public Enemy #1: The nasty couple who was also blocked in.
These two were REALLY rude, yet when I offered to guide them out now that the girls had left, they didn't leave. They didn't HELP, but they didn't leave, either. They stood there and watched, like maybe this was an SNL episode they hadn't seen before. And made rude comments. Finally, Stacy got fed up, so the nasty couple helped us push the car (only so they could get out without scratching their damn SUV) and we decided we needed food before attacking the Lugnut Four again.
So we went for food, and were served by the time-warp waiter, who kept thinking he had brought us things already (like our FOOD) when in fact he hadn't even been to our table yet.
After being fed, we decided there was only so much we could do, and gave up and called AAA. I will say, to justify our capitulation to the L-4 Mafia, that when the AAA guy got there, he had a LOT of trouble getting them off the wheel. And HE had a special tool for it too. He told us we better get air in it, so we went to the gas station to do so...
but of course the air pump wasn't really working, and the guy inside said, "I cain't do nothin' 'bout it til my boss gits in at 6 am." So we drove home.

Tags: accidents, adventures, ridiculous stories, stacy

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