Part I: The Face-off
Part II: Fighty Time!
And now, Part III: Dating Edition!
Oh, come on - everyone needs a little R&R, even soldiers at war. And with a civil war, it's not really like you're even sleeping with the enemy - they might be your enemy tomorrow, but for now, they're your friend! So let's go eavesdrop on what happens when we let them pick a partner and pair up...
(Note: This is what we get when Emily needs a break from 24/8 convention planning to ensure her sanity is not completely gone. Although on reflection, perhaps this is a SIGN that her sanity is completely gone. Hrm.)
Deadpool: *fffttt* *ppsssst* Testing, testing; is this thing on? Ah! FANtastic. Check it, feebs! Emily gave in an' said I can do commentary on this edition of MAGNET WARS. Am I the king'a cool, er WHAT? She said it's 'cause she knew I wouldn't stop annoyin' her until she said yes, but I think it's cause she loves me LIEK WHOA. Whaddaya all think?
Iron Man: Honey, who is that fool talking to?
Cap: I have no idea, sweetheart. He's a bit of a puzzle, isn't he? Slightly abhorrent, and yet I feel like at one time perhaps we fought side-by-side. A long, long time ago.
Iron Man: Well, you are pretty old, hon. It's possible.
Cap: Hey now! I don't hear you complaining about my age when you're grabbing my ass! Stop that!
Iron Man: But it's so enjoyable! You're really remarkably well-preserved for an old dude.
Cap: This is what I get for robbing the cradle. *sigh*
Deadpool: Psst. Hey you over there. Yeah, you in the beanbag chair with the laptop. What's with the disgusted look, feeb? Come on - we all knew this was happenin', right? I mean, those two? Wasn't it always kinda obvious? Ya shouldn't be so surprised! An' a course th' whole Civil War thing makes a LOT more sense when ya get th' behind-the-scenes bit, if ya know what I mean. *nudge nudge* What better reason to start a war than over a lover's spat! Gotta tell ya, that other couple there is MUCH more shockin' ta me. Seriously, where's my faintin' couch...?
Gambit: Ah can't believe there ain't more wimmin in this wah. Ah mean, whut is this world comin' to, when a decent set ahv warriors doesn't include gals lahk Stahrm an' Rogue in the lahnup? It's outrageous. Looket what ah had t'settle for...
Juggernaut: WHAT? Hey! Last night you said you loved my big muscles and shiny and oddly phallic helmet! What do you mean, SETTLE? Grrrr...
Gambit: Shhh, darlin'. We don' want t' make mah fangirls think ah'm gay. They might stop fawnin', and then ah'll never get tah star in mah own movie! And ah've always wanted t'be on the big screen!
Deadpool: Shyeeah, like he's ever goin' ta get his own movie. An' anyway, some fangirls dig the gay dudes. Weirdos. He's got a good point, though; come on, Activision, where's all the BABES in this magnet set? I KNOW I saw some'a them in th' game trailer. What, you *still* haven't figured out that there's a ton'a gamers out there that're female? I bet they'd like a nice Storm magnet. An' so would I, yaknowwhatImean?
...Oh, what now?
Spider-man: HEY! Would you STOP THAT! I told you I don't want to go out with you!
Venom: Yoooouuurrrrr lllliiipppsss ssaaaaayyyy nnnooooo, bbbuutttt yyyyooouuuurrr eeeeyyeeeesss ssaaaaayyyyy yyyeeeeesss...
Spider-man: I'm wearing a mask! You can't even see my eyes. Hey! Hey, that tickles!
Deadpool: CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED, I so did not need ta see OR hear that. Ewwie! Uch, that's it, I'm gonna go get myself a piece'a th' only woman in this bunch (outsida Spider-man, that is). Hey! Hey Phoenix!
Phoenix: Urgh, Logan. It's Deadpool. Can we pretend we don't hear him? Weren't you about to kiss me, finally?
Wolverine: Grrrrr *snikt* Later, darlin'. Gotta take care'a this Department K reject first!
Phoenix: *sigh* Here we go again.
Deadpool: Oh, ya wanna throw down fer th' lady's affections, huh? Well, I got no beef with that, bub. Eat lead!
Wolverine: Surely you aren't that forgetful? Hello? Your healing factor? Where did you get it? Try to stay with me, here. Bullets don't kill you = bullets don't kill me!
Deadpool: T'chya, who said anythin' 'bout killin'? But a hollow point'll sure slow ya down, which gives *me* some time fer romance (*wink wink*)
Phoenix: As IF, Deadpool. I'm NOT interested. Even if Logan was DEAD I wouldn't be interested.
Deadpool: Ah, well. It was worth a try, eh?
...No point in wastin' a perfectly good bullet, though.
Phoenix: Deadpool! Logan? Logan, can you hear me? Logan??