Emily (foresthouse) wrote,
Emily
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MAGNET WARS: Part I - The Face-Off

Ask, and ye shall receive. More fool you.

MAGNET WARS

Prologue

And now, Part I: The Face-off





Iron Man: Give it up, Cap! You and I both know the public isn't going to let this superhero registration thing die! I know because I'm a futurist, whatever the hell that means. I think it means I think I know the future even though I'm not psychic, but I'll have to check with She-Hulk. I think she said it means I'm a tool. I'm also a cynic, which is the real reason I can tell you right now that Americans are going to keep bitching and moaning about superheroes hiding behind masks forever, sometimes even when we're saving them from certain death. So we might as well give in now and tell them who we are! I don't know why you've got your panties in such a bunch here anyway; half of America knows who I am, and I'm still alive. Inside my nearly-invincible-somewhat-AI-can-protect-me-even-when-I'm-not-paying-attention metal suit.

Cap: Dammit, Tony. I won't listen to your pessimism and your defeatist attitude! Where would we be today if I had assumed the public really wanted the Nazis to take over during World War II? I would never have gotten to punch Hitler! Which was really awesome. So I'll keep fighting for what I believe in! I'll fight this war for the America we all know and love, the America that gives us the right to privacy, or at least includes it in the "penumbra of guarantees set forth in the Bill of Rights," whatever the heck that means. Can we ask She-Hulk about that one, too?

Phoenix: Geez, you two, will you get a room already? You're boring me here. I mean, sure, I don't want anybody up in my business, but when you've consumed worlds, you can't really sweat the small stuff anymore. I'm just here 'cause I think Logan's sexy. Short, hairy, and sexy. Yeah. I am weird.

Venom: Iiii'mmm juuussttt heeerrree tooo seee whaaaattt Ssspppiddderr-maaaan doooessss nexxxt. I'mmmmm kiiinda liiike hiiiss evilll faannngiiirrlll.

Wolverine: Grrrrrrrrnff *snikt*

Gambit: Ahhhhhh do say, mon ami, am ah standin' on the right side? The sexy redhead's over there.

Juggernaut: God, I am so boring. Big and mean and boring. La-di-da. Where's Black Tom?

Spider-man: Holy crud, what should I do? I mean, that's Captain America. Captain America. I can't fight Captain America! But I do love working for a rich dude with access to more nerdy science stuff than NASA. Except when he spies on me and MJ making out. That's creepy. Ohhhhh. I don't know what to doooo. I think I just webbed myself a little.

Deadpool: Heh heh heh heh heh. *innocent whistle* *cocks gun*

...
Tags: comics, deadpool, magnet wars, marvel, mua, silliness, video games, wolverine
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