A Wolverine Synopsis That's So Demented, It Must Be True
And of course I don't. Because IT'S COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS. I mean, COME ON, FOX. What are you DOING to Deadpool?? Why bother to take an established and well-loved (ok, by a slightly cult following, as opposed to say, Wolverine's fanbase, BUT STILL) character WHO IS AWESOME and then just make him into a completely different character altogether? I mean, what is the POINT? Just make UP a new character altogether, and leave poor Deadpool alone. (His life's been hard enough already.) And oh, if it's the name you're looking to cash in on, or the fact that fans want to see him in a movie? Bad choice, because all the Deadpool fans hate what you're doing (really, go read ANY forum that has linked the movie news of Deadpool) and will not look on you kindly for this. And only the fans actually know who he is. So way to alienate the audience you're trying to bring in. GO FOX! You are brilliant! Can I work for you? (No, really, can I? Maybe then I could save EVERYONE some pain and suffering.)
Now, granted, this movie synopsis may not be true. But it does kinda fit with the trailer, and knowing FOX, it's not like I'd be surprised if this is what I end up watching when I'm sitting in the theater (although if it is, I may need to be sedated to make it all the way through. I bet the other audience members would not appreciated my yelling at the screen (What the hell were they thinking, taking away his MOUTH???) the whole time they are trying to watch). *sigh*
Not too long ago, Marvel posted a Deadpool Saga online, that collected, fairly accurately, his actual comic book history so far. Since their comic viewer was really hard to use to actually read the comic, I copied and posted the Saga to Scans Daily, along with some commentary and corrections (hey, even Marvel recappers can get some things wrong). Sadly, scans_daily was then lost to us, but fortunately, I still have the scans and the Scans Daily archive. So, in case anyone out there is curious as to the TRUE story of Deadpool, I now (re-)present to you:
The True Story of the Merc with a Mouth, DEADPOOL
(Or you can always read the three paragraph synopsis.)
Fn. 1: The whole Jack/Wade Wilson thing is still open to debate - i.e. was T-Ray telling the truth, and Deadpool was actually a mercenary named Jack who was nursed back to health by T-Ray (Wade Wilson) and his wife Mercedes, only to kill T-Ray and accidentally kill Mercedes, and take T-Ray's name? OR was T-Ray saying all that to mess with his head because he hated Wilson/Deadpool and was jealous of his standing as top merc at The Hellhouse? OR was it something else? The recap makes it seem like Wade was really Jack, but almost everything in the comics points to the T-Ray was really messing with his head theory.
In my view, they resolved most of that during the Cable & Deadpool run, when Cable uses his telepathy to "fix" parts of Deadpool's brain, not changing his personality but allowing him to remember things he'd forgotten. After that, Deadpool reveals to T-Ray that he remembers more than he used to, and he knows now that he's the real Wade Wilson and T-Ray was lying. As proof, he mentions that in the "past" vision he was shown by T-Ray previously, the merc rescued was wearing Deadpool's costume pants...but Deadpool didn't start wearing his costume until after the cancer and Weapon X. And that he enrolled in the army prior to those times using the name Wade Wilson. Makes sense to me, although it's still not clear why T-Ray bothered, except he hates Wilson for some reason. But he had vendettas against a ton of people in that storyline (see the image with all the names on his back) so it could be for anything. Anyway, in my view they should have accounted for that here, because C&DP followed this so it seems like the "Jack" story was retconned. In that issue he also remembers other true memories, as confirmed by outside sources (i.e. the story about fighting with The Fixer and Captain America), which would indicate those are his real memories. Also in the later C&DP when Wade has to bring T-Ray back, the both of them seem to have decided to let it go (although they still hate each other).
Fn. 2: Apparently, nobody can ever decide what color Wade's hair is. I've seen it done black (as here, in Deadpool Issue -1), brown (during Gail Simone's run on Deadpool, and blond (X-Force, in a flashback when Siryn is breaking him out of the insane asylum). ...Maybe he just liked to dye it a lot. :)
Fn. 3: If I recall correctly, Wilson killed Slayback with explosives because Slayback was "a monster" who liked to kill for fun rather than because it was the job. (See Deadpool, The Circle Chase.)
Fn. 4: Wade was killed for killing another inmate, Worm. It was a mercy killing, because the Attending had lobotomized his friend to get at Wade, whom he hated.
Fn. 5: Cable is either Tolliver's father or other relation. I'm not sure it's ever made clear whether he's really his father. I think it might be a clone thing again. Is it?
Fn. 6: Actually, Cable didn't defeat him. Vanessa (Copycat) posing as Domino defeated him by showing up and knifing him in the back. Cable did FedEx him back to Tolliver, though, in one of my favorite panels of old-school Cable.
Fn. 7: The panel where Deadpool meets Siryn is not to be missed. Classic Deadpool.
Fn. 8: I love Blind Al. *g*
Fn. 9: "Deadpool nevertheless refused to break down in defeat the way T-Ray wanted."
Because he is a badass, and T-Ray is a sissy girl. You know it's true.
Fn. 10: Deadpool as Loki's "son" - is awesome. That is all.
Fn. 11: Everything to do with T-Ray's "schemes" in the Deadpool run is bizarre and kinda loopy.
Also he's a freaky-ass clown.
Fn. 12: I wouldn't say 'Pool and Agent X are "friends," exactly. They try to kill each other now and then.
...Then again, so do he and Cable. OK, maybe they are friends.
Fn. 13: "...let alone that the two would form a psychic link during the battle."
Well, actually, it was a physical link - DNA. And thus began one of the greatest love stories of all time. *sniff*
Fn. 14: "...one of Cable's most ardent and unstable supporters..."
I.e. he stabbed him in the back a few times. But in between, their love, it was epic.
Fn. 15: "Deadpool reunited with Siryn to rescue him [Cable]..."
And then he tried to shoot him while he was all babyified and cute. But at least that time, it wasn't his fault. he was brainwashed.
Fn. 16: "...inadvertently improved Cable's status in the eyes of the world."
I.e. Cable made Deadpool look like a FOOL...but he did it for love, so there's that.
Fn. 17: "...what future is waiting for Deadpool now?"
Sadly not one with a big buff half-metal guy and lots of homoerotic subtext, apparently. *tear*
Oh, and, as added fun, here's a video of Cable & Deadpool issue 1. You might want to just watch it without the music, because then it's more like reading the comic. I recommend watching it full screen for ease of reading and added awesome factor.
So there you have it, folks. Deadpool: awesome version.