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A Quiver-full of Anger - Walking on the Edge
I don't really have a plan...
A Quiver-full of Anger
So I found this site via cleolinda's link to some info on the Quiver-full people. (And in case you are interested, here's what a woman who used to be part of the Quiver-full belief system has to say about it now.) The site's apparently primarily geared toward a "Christian" method of raising and maintaining your family, especially "training" your children - through such things as beating them with a stick. Spiffy! It emphasizes the submission of women to men, and other endearingly antiquated concepts that men try to use to keep a good woman down. Excuse my bitterness, but I just couldn't help it after reading this article, "A Wise Woman Builds Her House" written by one of the two authors (the female, incredibly) of the site and accompanying books. It's in the Relationships section and deals with marriages. It's so de-humanizing to women that it just makes me cringe, yet each bit is somewhat subtle, so that people might actually be saying, "Oh, yes, ok, I can see that a woman should strive to be confident and capable. I can get behind that." and miss the parts that say, for instance, "A wise woman understands that her husband’s need to be honored is not based on his performance but on his position. She learns quickly to defer with enthusiasm to his ideas or plans. She looks for ways to reverence him. She knows this is God’s will for her life." I mean, really. No matter how great he is, a woman's husband isn't God himself. He's just a human being like her. What do these people expect, that she's going to sit at his feet and stare adoringly at him before offering him a peeled grape? And never voice an opinion when he has one first? GAH.

The article pissed me off so much, I wrote my own version of the list of things a "wise woman" should do. I like mine infinitely better:

A wise woman realizes that she is blessed with many talents and much wisdom. She uses her talents and intelligence to the fullest, and follows her own reasoned understanding of the best path for her life.

A wise woman strives to be productive, balanced, and independent, so that she can provide for herself and for family members she may have. She knows she is a richer woman because she can provide for herself no matter what may happen.

A wise woman seeks to share things with her husband, and engages his interest in the things she likes to do as well. She helps and expects help in return.

A wise woman says what she thinks, with more regard for honesty than for the potential to upset anyone’s peace of mind. She knows that to limit her conversation when she feels she should speak is unhealthy and unnecessary.

A wise woman shares her happiness when she is happy, and her sorrows when she is sad. She knows that if she holds in negative thoughts instead of discussing them, they will fester and cause her to feel more negative over time, as well as to feel resentment toward those who caused them.

A wise woman know she deserves someone who will make her happy. When she finds this person, she will desire to make him happy as well, because that is what love is about.

A wise woman values a man for the good qualities he possesses, for his intelligence and skill, and for the way he treats others, not merely because he is a man. She knows that she has great worth for these same reasons, and gives respect to those who are worthy of her respect, whether they be men or women. She contributes to any ideas or plans that influence her life.

A wise woman finds a mate who will be understanding when she is feeling ill or sad, and who is not afraid to share with her when he is feeling that way. She seeks to be honest in her feelings and deal with her mate and children honestly.

A wise woman realizes that the world holds infinite potential. She sees that she is worthy of care, consideration, love, respect, and an equal footing with others. She learns to deal with and change the circumstances that cause unhappiness in herself or her family members.

A wise woman never expects strangers to serve her, because many people are inconsiderate and don’t go out of their way for others. She expects that she and her family will all help and serve each other. By her example her children learn consideration for others and respect for others and themselves.

A wise woman forthrightly approaches issues that arise during a marriage. She questions that which she doesn’t agree with, and doesn’t change her mind when she knows she is correct. She also admits when she is wrong. She knows that no one is infallible, and that solutions that are arrived at through discussion and debate are often better than a hasty decision by one party, be it her or her mate.

A wise woman knows that a proper life-balance is important to her happiness. She spends time learning new things and using her talents to benefit herself and others as well as enjoying herself and living in the moment.

Now tell me: is there anything in that list that would hurt a marriage between two people who love, respect, and value each other as intelligent, talented equals? I don't think so.

I feel somewhat better now. But only because I cut myself off from reading the other articles on the site when I started yelling at the screen.

Tags: , , ,
Trixie feels: annoyed annoyed
playing in the clubhouse: Bob Dylan - Jack of Hearts

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(Deleted comment)
foresthouse From: foresthouse Date: November 28th, 2006 07:09 am (UTC) (current file)
:) Thanks.
nixve From: nixve Date: November 28th, 2006 05:56 am (UTC) (current file)
You are truly a wise woman. :)
foresthouse From: foresthouse Date: November 28th, 2006 07:09 am (UTC) (current file)
Hurrah! That makes two of us!
nixve From: nixve Date: November 29th, 2006 03:04 am (UTC) (current file)
Thank you :)
particle_person From: particle_person Date: November 28th, 2006 06:58 am (UTC) (current file)
I'm seriously thinking of writing the equivalent list for men -- "The Things a Wise Guy Should Do."
foresthouse From: foresthouse Date: November 28th, 2006 07:08 am (UTC) (current file)
I looked on the site for an equivalent list for men, to see if it was similarly outrageous...but I didn't see one. Hrm...

I think you should do one.
foresthouse From: foresthouse Date: November 28th, 2006 07:11 am (UTC) (current file)
I think you should do one.

I mean a real one of course. Not an outrageous one. :)
particle_person From: particle_person Date: November 28th, 2006 03:44 pm (UTC) (current file)
I was totally going for an outrageous one.

A wise guy says what he thinks, with high regard for sarcasm and the ability to fluster his audience. He knows that nobody expects him to be of any use in the discussion, so he disrupts it as he finds amusing.
A wise guy knows he deserves someone dumber than he is, so he takes pains to avoid frighteningly intelligent women. Alas, one day he will meet a frighteningly intelligent woman (or FIW), and she will roundly humiliate him until he slinks off with his tail between his legs.
foresthouse From: foresthouse Date: November 28th, 2006 06:27 pm (UTC) (current file)
Hee hee hee. Yep, you should do one like that.
veetvoojagig From: veetvoojagig Date: November 28th, 2006 12:03 pm (UTC) (current file)
Bravo! *applauds mightily* Lovely list. So right.
foresthouse From: foresthouse Date: November 28th, 2006 06:28 pm (UTC) (current file)
Much better than that woman's stupid list. :)
veetvoojagig From: veetvoojagig Date: November 28th, 2006 06:33 pm (UTC) (current file)
I didn't even look at that one. I know it would piss me the fuck off.
kerrypolka From: kerrypolka Date: November 28th, 2006 12:30 pm (UTC) (current file)
Hah! Yours are lovely, but I had to make a comment about this "original" bit:

She looks for ways to reverence him.

I guess the difference between verbs and nouns isn't taught in the Quiverfull System. A wise woman looks for no copyeditor to correct her, for grammar interferes with God's will!
foresthouse From: foresthouse Date: November 28th, 2006 06:28 pm (UTC) (current file)
I know! There was a spelling error in there too. I almost put in a bit saying: "A wise woman knows how to spell."
edda From: edda Date: November 28th, 2006 11:05 pm (UTC) (current file)
That website is creepy. CREE-PEE. AIGH.

Seriously, go read this. I got through a page and a half and wanted to gag. Stay with abusive men and you can save them! It's called co-dependency, lady. GAH.
foresthouse From: foresthouse Date: November 29th, 2006 01:19 am (UTC) (current file)
Oh oh oh! I was reading that one before. That's one of the reasons I made myself stop reading. I was so angry.

I mean, I don't have any problem with people trying to lead good lives and be charitable, etc. But...this is like some kind of nightmarish flash back to times when women were little better than chattel. GAH indeed!
From: midnight7 Date: November 29th, 2006 09:20 pm (UTC) (current file)


I haven't checked out the website but... grrrr... what woman in her right mind would write that? Seems quite a bit backwards. I don't mind being a helpmate, but I value equality in a relationship. Oh, and if I ever get married, I'm going to take that "obey" line out of the vows. Honor yes, obey, no. Antiquated, indeed.
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