October 19th, 2010

trixie lounging

Keratoconus: Update the Third

Dear Friends, Acquaintances, Complete Strangers, and Everyone on the Internets (possibly here via cleolinda):

I love you all, you wonderful, wonderful people. I really do. <3

As those of you who follow my journal know, I've posted a few times now about the experimental surgery I will be having (this coming THURSDAY, O_o) to attempt to halt the degeneration of my corneas due to the eye disease keratoconus. I've also posted about the fact that due to the experimental nature of this treatment, insurance won't cover it, and I am in real financial difficulty. Some of you, my wonderful friends, have already offered to help with this, and as I responded individually, I really am SO touched by that, but wasn't sure if I should accept your offers of help.

However, I've talked at length about the whole situation (not for the first time) over these last few days with my good friend cleolinda, and she basically convinced me that there are some situations (like necessary medical procedures) where it's ok to admit that you need a little help. And after a lot of thought I told her that yes, I thought she was right, and maybe I should tell you (my friends who've offered help) that I am grateful for your offers and would not mind a little help.

And then the wonderful cleolinda surprised me by posting about my situation, with instructions on how to send financial help my way, and some people have already, almost immediately, donated some funds to help with my expenses, and you guys, I am just so, so touched. People I know, people I don't even know - I'm actually, literally, not-even-kidding-you getting teary over here. I'm...thank you. Every one of you who's been kind enough to send money to a friend, an internet friend, or even a complete stranger who's in need is a wonderful person, and I thank you with all my heart. I really do. <3 (And also a thank you to the person who donated with the added note to "fix those eyeballs" - it made me laugh.) I just don't even know what to say except that just knowing that there are people out there who are that kind and willing to help someone in need is as wonderful as the money itself. (And for all of my friends who've been asking if they can help, now I have an answer for you. And thank you. Lots and lots of thank you.)

...

As far as the upcoming surgery itself goes - I've just picked up the necessary medications that I will need both before and during/after the surgery, and have arranged for my sister to pick me up at the end (she has a small child, so I don't want her to have to wait through the whole 2-3 hours or more that it will take) and take me home. I'm making sure I've got things put away and have some food in the apartment (right now if you opened the door to the refrigerator all you'd see is some very cold crickets trying to indicate how cavernously empty it is, seriously) so that for the weekend of my recovery, I won't have to go out. I don't actually know exactly what state I'll be in afterwards. I've been told there's some pain (apparently not during, due to the medications, but afterwards, at least on the first day or so) and that I'll basically be at home resting all day afterwards (I assume they will give me more specific directions before the procedure.) And I know that in some cases it does things to your vision for a bit right afterwards. So I don't know when I'll be able to let people know how it went, but I DO have the Voice Post function keyed into my phone, so hopefully I'll at least be able to do that. Or call Cleo. I will certainly keep people posted.

I can't believe things happened so quickly in terms of going from "will I need to have something done" to "you're going to go have the procedure this week." I'm...both calm and nervous at the same time. But mostly, grateful that there's something, even in trial stages, that can be done, and feeling very unworthy but grateful to everyone who's donated to help me out thus far, and am actually looking forward with hope to a time in the near future when seeing won't be quite so painful.

And I don't even know what else to say except thank you again.

xo

ETA of Tuesday

Just a little update to say more thanks for the help people have continued to send. It is like a stone being slowly lifted off my chest to feel even a bit of the impending debt disappearing. Many thanks.