June 3rd, 2008

DP fighty time

Deadpool. Weapon, Part I: The Devil

[Confused? Start at the beginning with Chapter 1]


Previously, on Deadpool: Weapon:

[Hey, my little chiquitas, where have y'all been? I’ve been sharpening my knives for days over here, waiting for you to show up so I could tell you what went down in Chapter 4. I was getting so tired of humming the Aquaman theme song, I almost fell asleep! Anyway, now that you’re finally here...Chapter 4 went something like this:

[Ed. note: Um. We have no idea where he got the hand puppets from, but I guess we’ll let him go with it...]

So the Deadpool Puppet called the Deathstroke Puppet and said:

‘What up, DS, it’s ‘Pool. Come meet me on the corner so I can slice’n’dice you.’

And the Deathstroke Puppet cowered like a baby sissy brat.

[Wow, if I curl my fist like this, the ‘Stroke Puppet looks really scared.]

And the ‘Pool Puppet said: ‘Man, what a wimp. Look! Lady! Knife! Throat! Grow a pair and rescue her, wuss!’

And the ‘Stroke Puppet went: ‘Wah! ...OK.

So now he’s on his way.

Oh, I almost forgot...

[Ed. note: And we REALLY don’t know why he owns a Starfire puppet, but it’s probably best not to enquire.]

...the ‘Pool Puppet called up the Pretty Pretty Princess Puppet, and asked her out for a night on the town, and she said...‘YES!’


[What? What do you mean they can go back and read the last chapter? Well why am I even doing this, then? Oh. Oh, I see. Geez, you people are so lazy.]


Um. OK. So maybe the Pretty Pretty Princess Puppet hung up on the ‘Pool Puppet instead. Whatever. Close enough. That’s not really important, anyway. What’s important is, the ‘Stroke is on his way, so we’re finally about to have...a fight scene! W00t! This is gonna be so great, y’all. My knives are sharp
[really, really sharp], my doorknobs are locked and loaded, and my grenades, ammo, lock picks, shurikens, sais, air horn, katanas, Magic 8-Balls [good to have several in case one starts leaking], kamas, teleporter, tonfa, flamethrower, bag of flour, tessen, Push Pops, Wolvie-kagi, emei needles, Tomogatchi, meteor hammers, deus ex machina, goedendag, VitaminWater, fire ants, and Vaseline are close at hand.

Like I said: W00T!

Chapter 5: Collapse )

To be continued in a highly populated area (oh no!) in Chapter 6...


*Chapter title from Weapon, by Matthew Good.


(BTW, in case anyone's wondering when the next time we'll see 'Pool in the real comics is, he'll be making an appearance in Marvel Comics Presents #10, which comes out June 25, 2008. Info courtesy of The Deadpool Bugle.)


ETA: New I'm a Marvel, I'm a DC Parody
"Did you just compare yourself to Wal-Mart?" HEE.