February 18th, 2007

asskicking boots

Driving is not a video game.

I was talking to my sister on the phone about bad drivers, and now I'm in the mood to vent. See, I have this (sorta new) temp job, and the drive there is HELL. Garden State Parkway, I do not love you (although you are my best friend in comparison to Route 78 and Route 24).

So you know what really drives me nuts when I drive? Mr. I Can Cross Five Lanes Of Traffic In One Fell Swoop Without Using My Signal. A few days ago I swear he was following me around, just looking for moments on my 1.25 hour commute when he could swoop in and cut me off with NO WARNING AT ALL, after which he would do the same thing to about 4 other people, causing us all to swerve frantically into everyone else's lanes. This does not amuse me, Mr. ICCFLOTIOFSWUMS, ok? SO STOP IT.

And speaking of annoying characters, let's talk about Ms. Seventy to Zero in Two Seconds. How many near collisions did I have with this swanky lady one day recently? THREE. People. Please. The correct distance at which to follow the car in front of you on the highway is not inversely proportionate to your speed. MORE speed = MORE distance between cars, not less. So stop tailgating to the extent that 12 cars in a row have to slam on their brakes when there's a bottleneck.

Oh, and speaking of correct distances: my leaving the proper amount of space between cars while driving does not = an invitation for you to cut right in front of me because you "saw an opening." And then slam on your brakes.

And while we're at it (why stop now?), please, for the love of chocolate and peanut butter, or whatever you love dearly, look before you merge. Otherwise what we end up with is the scene that occurred right in front of me the other day, wherein two cars simultaneously tried to take the space ahead of me from different sides, resulting in an ignominous game of chicken in which neither car wanted to get back in their lane, and both were half in my lane and half out. And finally both gave up and tried to merge back into their proper lanes, thus causing the people behind them in those lanes to swerve. These people should really not be allowed to drive. Can we do something about them?

And I'm spent.