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Deadpool. Weapon, Part I: The Devil - Walking on the Edge
I don't really have a plan...
foresthouse
foresthouse
Deadpool. Weapon, Part I: The Devil
Shhh. Here it is, everyone. My first (somewhat) serious venture into fanfiction. *is embarrassed* I just...couldn't...help myself. (For brief background on the main character, Deadpool, see here. For more, see Wikipedia.)

So, let's see if I get this title-and-disclaimer thing I always see right:

TitleWeapon, Part I: The Devil (otherwise known as missing issue #9.5 of the '97 Deadpool run)
Authorforesthouse, who is probably going to regret this
Rating – So far? PG, I think. But I have a feeling it might get violent...
Pairing – None, as yet, but I can tell you my Deadpool is not of teh ghey (he hasn't bonded with Cable yet, heh. None of that "bodysliding by two" around these here parts).

Summary – The Merc with a Mouth wants to be a hero, my friends. What else is new? He gets a new mission. Oh, the fun he will have. Sadly missing the little yellow boxes, as it’s written, not drawn. In my head it's a comic, but unless someone pops up and volunteers to draw it for me, it's going to stay in text. *sigh* There may be some fourth-wall-busting action, though. Possibly indicated by Deadpool talking in [brackets]. WHEE.

Disclaimer – Marvel pwns everything (even me) and I don’t make a cent. Lyrics from Matthew Good and Matthew Good Band songs also not mine.

***

Chapter 1: How do you stop once you've started? ... One foot in front of the other...*

The Hellhouse

Deadpool swaggered through the doorway of the dirty pit known as the Hellhouse, looking thoughtful. Of course, no one could tell what he looked like under his mask, but he knew he looked thoughtful. He headed for the pool table.

“Patch, ol’ buddy ol’ pal!” he said to the short, wizened bald man with the luxurious white mustache, as he threw his arm around the skinny guy’s neck. “Have I got a proposition for you!” He squeezed, and Patch dropped his pool cue.

Patch twisted around and eyed him suspiciously. “What is it, ‘Pool? You sound too happy for it to be good.”

Deadpool released him. “Oh, Patch, you wound me, you really do.” He thumped his chest. “Right here, in the place where I might even have a heart. Now” – he grabbed Patch by the top of his head and steered him around – “let’s you and me step inside your office and discuss this idea I just had.”

Patch grumbled as he was propelled inside. Deadpool slammed the door with a flourishing backwards kick, leaned back, and crossed his arms and ankles.

“So: here’s the deal, my vertically challenged amigo. I’ve had a...revelation. A change of direction, as it were. I’ve decided I want to...help someone.”

“What? Who??” Patch looked around wildly. “You talkin’ about me?”

Deadpool laughed. “No, you crazy old coot. Everyone knows you’re way beyond help! No, I’m talking........... [Please excuse the dramatic pause here, folks, but really, it's essential, isn't it? If only we could add a drumroll somehow.] ...........hero work.”

Patch just stared at him.

“Let me put it another way, mon ami. You: have job? For me: as hero? Yes/no/maybe-so? Hey-hey-hey let’s go-go-go?” Deadpool snapped his fingers under Patch’s nose. “Come oooon, little man, I know you’ve got to have something in that file cabinet that doesn’t involve murdering the somewhat-possibly-innocent. Spill.”

Patch closed his mouth, which had somehow fallen open at Deadpool’s words, shrugged, and shambled over to the files. He picked up the one labeled Pro Bono. “You know the hero stuff never pays, right? Just so we’re clear, OK? OK. I got ONE job like that, ‘Pool. ONE. They’ve got a villain who needs killin’. But it’s in New York.”

“You mean the Big Apple? 'The city that never sleeps alone?' The lights, the nights, the Broadway shows?” Deadpool bounced from foot to foot, waving his hand wildly in the air. “Ooh, ooh, pick me, pick me! I’ve always wanted to sing and dance on stage! Hey, check out my moves!”

“Shut up, you big fool, and stop that. You’re making my collection of wobbly hula-girls look like seizure victims.”

Deadpool stopped bouncing. “What, don’t you even want to see my high-kicks? They’re a real show-stopper!”
Patch sighed. “Look – you want the job? You got it. Sign here.”

Patch waited until the contract was signed before handing Deadpool the file. “Congrats, hero – you’ve just been hired by Koriand’r. Details inside. I’ll give her a ring and let her know you’re on the way; I’m sure she’ll be thrilled.”

“You do that, Patch,” Deadpool said, wandering back out into the main room as he opened the file. “Tell her the man of her dreams is about to swoop in with a rescue full of derring-do. Now, let’s just see what’s on the agen--“

He stopped short.

“What the— What the flaming hell? Deathstroke?? You want me to kill Deathstroke?!? You can’t be serious!” Deadpool turned back, but Patch was already busily barricading the door to his office. Deadpool hammered on the door. “HEY! HEYYY!! PATCH! SINCE WHEN DID WE START DOING CROSSOVER MISSIONS???

...

Stay tuned for Chapter 2...

...

*Chapter title from Lullaby for the New World Order and Avalanche, by Matthew Good.

Tags: , , ,
Trixie feels: calm calm

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Comments
scifantasy From: scifantasy Date: May 8th, 2008 07:21 pm (UTC) (current file)
OK, for the record--I've not read Deadpool and only know the Titans from the cartoon.

But:

Heh.
foresthouse From: foresthouse Date: May 8th, 2008 07:27 pm (UTC) (current file)
I don't actually know a ton about the Titans, either - but I know some about Deathstroke, since he was supposedly the impetus for Deadpool being created. It's going to be one helluva fight. *g*
lady_of_mists From: lady_of_mists Date: May 8th, 2008 08:17 pm (UTC) (current file)
Not knowing Deadpool, now... but this was quite amusing. :D
foresthouse From: foresthouse Date: May 9th, 2008 02:13 am (UTC) (current file)
Glad you liked it! THERE WILL BE MORE! O_o Hee.
taro_twist From: taro_twist Date: May 9th, 2008 12:44 am (UTC) (current file)
“Let me put it another way, mon ami. You: have job? For me: as hero? Yes/no/maybe-so? Hey-hey-hey let’s go-go-go?”

LOL! I *love* your Deadpool voice so much.

And I like where this is going:

“HEY! HEYYY!! PATCH! SINCE WHEN DID WE START DOING CROSSOVER MISSIONS???”

Whee, Deadpool vs. Deathstroke! The only time I've seen them together was in the first Superman/Batman Annual (which was actually my introduction to Deadpool!). *bounces*

Also, I take it this must mean that the Koriand'r in question is Starfire?

And I approve very much of the MG lyrics, too. :D "Lullaby ..." and "Avalanche" are actually two of his songs I associate most with superheroes, lol.

Can't wait for more! =)
foresthouse From: foresthouse Date: May 9th, 2008 02:15 am (UTC) (current file)
Dude, I didn't even know they'd fought before; it just seemed like the natural choice and also allowed for the fourth-wall-breakage. Hee.

Yep. Koriand'r is Starfire. :) She may have a brief cameo at some point.

I am so sad I can't envision this right out of my mind onto paper in comic-book form, because I have some great ideas for how MG lyrics could be used in that form. I might be able to do it in text...hrm.
foresthouse From: foresthouse Date: May 9th, 2008 06:12 am (UTC) (current file)
P.S. I have now utilized the Power of the Internet to see their first meeting. Thanks for the tip! It shows up in Ch. 2...
clockwork_zero From: clockwork_zero Date: May 9th, 2008 02:33 pm (UTC) (current file)
Not too bad at all :D
I've only read a few deadpool comics but i could "see" some of the action which is always great :D

I love this section:
“You mean the Big Apple? 'The city that never sleeps alone?' The lights, the nights, the Broadway shows?” Deadpool bounced from foot to foot, waving his hand wildly in the air. “Ooh, ooh, pick me, pick me! I’ve always wanted to sing and dance on stage! Hey, check out my moves!”

“Shut up, you big fool, and stop that. You’re making my collection of wobbly hula-girls look like seizure victims.”


really fun and funny!!

------
I think i would make some edits for the opening:
Deadpool swaggered through the doorway of the dirty pit known as the Hellhouse, looking thoughtful. Of course, no one could tell what he was looking like under his mask, but he knew he looked thoughtful. It was a good look for him,

which has a bit too many looks, I feel, and you could say:
was looking like = what he looked liked

sorry.. the editor waved a hand :D


I love the ending para. :D
foresthouse From: foresthouse Date: May 9th, 2008 06:44 pm (UTC) (current file)
Thanks for the critique! I changed the one "was looking like" b/c you're right. Not sure how to eliminate some of the other "looks" without changing what I wanted it to say. Hrm...I'll think about it.
jaclynhyde From: jaclynhyde Date: May 11th, 2008 01:59 am (UTC) (current file)
DEATHSTROKE. YES. :D
foresthouse From: foresthouse Date: May 11th, 2008 04:06 am (UTC) (current file)
Haha, your icon is priceless.

Yeah, Deathstroke seemed like the natural choice for The Big Fight. Heh.
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